Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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