I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Randomize
