I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
40s are totally the cure
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
