I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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