i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Congratulations! We have a period
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
