Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
