What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
