i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
