Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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