If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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