Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
