I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
