sorry about calling you the devil all night.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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