Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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