I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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