I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
