Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
