Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
