I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
