Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
