I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
