I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My breasts were aching with rage.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
