So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
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He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
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It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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