we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
