i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
