Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
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Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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