So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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