She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
