Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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