Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
