he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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