I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
