I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
