i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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