May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
it's like iHOP with fire
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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