she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
