The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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