There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
