a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
