Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
