im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Damn victory sex feels great
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
