You made me cry and you don't even care
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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