You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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