I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
