she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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