Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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