i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
