I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
