weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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