Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
