Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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