so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Need sex. Gaining weight.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
