4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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