I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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