i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
