Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
