Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize