she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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