and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
