I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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