I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
