I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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