I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
My breasts were aching with rage.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
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