i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
