I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
