i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
