it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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