Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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