My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
