Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
