Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
