i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
