it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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