I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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